one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
