you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
