We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
