coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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