Screwed.edu
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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