You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
