My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
