soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I want her autograph on my taint
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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