Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
