a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
