u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
