Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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