He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
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