Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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