Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
someone owes me an orgasm
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
