Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
