My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i think i have herpe
just one?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
