I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Farmville is her only friend.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
