so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
