Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
