I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
