so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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