elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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