i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
