your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
