We're facebook friends in real life
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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