My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
