who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
