Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
