If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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