I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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