So drunk its hurt
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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