she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
