1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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