You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
