i think i have two assholes
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
