Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
