it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
