I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
