Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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