I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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