Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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