she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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