I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
