Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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