I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
