There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
