A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
