Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
