I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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