i just sent this text using only my big toe
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
