we have officially lost it.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
