Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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